My mom struggled with her weight for most of her very long life, from puberty to now; she’s 91 years and counting. (Or in her 92nd year, as she would say.)

I watched her do Weight Watchers, TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), grapefruit diets, medical programs with shots and weird drinks, juice fasts, vegetarian diets,……you name it, she tried it. She would lose a little, gain a little more, try a new diet, rinse and repeat for the first 50 years I knew her.

Then, 7 years ago, she had a heart attack, bypass surgery, a new heart valve. She made a decision that she didn’t want to die. With just that decision, a new urgent thought, she lost all the extra weight.

One thought. One decision.

It’s never too late.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

I’ve always loved that song. I know all the words. I love the peppy melody and toe-tapping rhythms. I love that those elements are in a breakup song.

So many times I uttered those same words, but without any peppy melody or toe-tapping rhythms. It was more of a dirge about something in my life that felt stuck or hopeless, like trying a new diet.

Now, I listen to that song and I feel so much hope.

I did break up with someone.

Someone who:

~~did not know how to look forward with excitement and intention.

~~didn’t know she could create the life she wanted.

~~thought she was doing me a favor by being scared of new things.

So, I’m having a little breakup party. We will all dance to “It’s Too Late” and toast to the future.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

Oh, the intoxicating allure of thinness. To be thin and happy and comfortable in my own skin. I always knew that was what I wanted. I was sure that was how it would be. Right?

All the moments before that, the moment when thinness arrived, when my dreams came true, were just misery. It was such a burden to carry around that extra weight, to “feel fat” (you know, where you lie on your side and gravity performs its work?), feel deprived, feel required to eat awful tasting food. All of it would magically disappear the moment that scale said 130, instead of 200. Right?

Sort of. Kind of. But, the magic didn’t happen on my uber cool glass scale. The magic happened in my uber cool prefrontal cortex. 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 I wanted did arrive, almost as if by magic, but it had nothing to do with how much weight I was carrying around, or what I ate, or what the scale said.

It had to do with my thoughts.

It turns out I can love my body, no matter what the scale says. I can feel good in my skin, no matter how or what I choose to eat. No deprivation or white-knuckling required.

I haven’t banished all the thoughts that brought on those feelings; they are part of me and always will be. I ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 stopped believing them. I ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 made new decisions about who I am and what I want.

Then, I lost 60 pounds. I watched it fall away like all the lies I told myself. About myself.

Bye.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.
https://youtu.be/VkKxmnrRVHo

Just that lousy taco truck up in the distance. I have a plan for what I eat and I have a plan for when I eat it.

That truck is not in my plan.

We’ve been driving for hours.

I’m hungry and cranky.

There might not be another option.

I could starve before I find somewhere that fits my plan.

I want to pitch a fit and eat a bunch of tacos.

It’s just tortillas, meat, and veggies. What’s so wrong with that?

My lizard brain should have been a litigator. She’s so good at negotiating for her point of view. No wonder she has kept me alive. Yet, I have bigger plans for myself. Plans that feel 𝕒𝕨𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖.

Welcome to the stage, Lovely PFC (pre-frontal cortex.) I am so glad you’ve joined us. Now I can deliberately get on with this life I love creating.

Yes, I have a plan for what I want to eat to accomplish my goals.

Yes, I don’t use food as entertainment anymore.

Yes, I can easily go hours without eating because I’ve changed my metabolism.

Yes, I hear you lizard brain. And, it’s gonna be OK. I’m keeping us safe. And happy.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

A bike ride with 30 women, who know each other.

I joined this group at the urging of a friend. I didn’t have a great bike. I didn’t have a fit body. I didn’t know anyone but my one friend. I was hesitant, intimidated, unsure. But, I mustered the courage to show up. I felt a tiny bit safe. I knew one woman.

My first ride with them was pure misery, the entire 15 miles. It was windy and hot. I was slow. My bike was wholly inadequate for the task. My body was wholly inadequate for the task. The group was miles ahead of me. The sweep and mechanic were patiently toodling along behind me (no one gets left behind.)

My mind was a mess. A constant stream of regret. Regret that I said yes. Regret that I didn’t prepare better. Regret that I was so overweight. Regret that I had regret. The more regret I heaped on myself, the harder it was to pedal.

Yet, when we finished the ride, I was surrounded by pats on the back, welcoming smiles and hugs, offers of food and wine. This group just pulled me in and celebrated what a hard thing I had accomplished. One minute I am filled with regret. The next minute I am filled with pride and gratitude.

Can it really be that quick? Misery one minute and celebration the next?

Absolutely. I changed my thoughts and changed my experience of life. Transformation. And a whole lot of fun.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

“Anyone can say no.”

He truly believes that. He thinks the small, shy kids can figure out a path to “No.” Surely getting slammed by a ball thrown by a large, bold kid will lead him there. He has never been a small shy kid. He has never experienced anything different.

How do I explain to him that I was that kid who couldn’t say “No”? How do I get over feeling broken because I can’t/couldn’t say “No”? Even him saying “Anyone can say no,” brought back those feelings of helplessness.

So much shame.

Sometimes I am still not aware that “No” is an option. When I’m eating those chips, as I make dinner, my brain refuses to even entertain “No.” This is my lizard brain’s super power, what’s kept me alive, what’s kept humans alive for millennia.

Maybe I don’t want to “just” be alive now. Maybe I want to evolve, to thrive. What then?

Observe. Be curious. Learn. Start to employ my big, beautiful brain to plan a for a brighter future. See my lizard brain for what it is; a primitive force trying to save me. Maybe I can view shame as a desire to be a better person, a tool to learn to have my own back more often, to believe in my dreams.

This is the work I do now. For myself. For my clients. Essential.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

I used to think the desert was barren and lonely. I didn’t understand the appeal. My parents would haul me out there to camp amid the cactus and dry wind with my bickering siblings.

Teenage torture.

This morning? I am gazing out at the Southern California desert feeling a deep sense of peace, a fullness from the lovely landscape. I am relishing time alone with all this beauty.

Why is my response to the desert so different now? I am curious. Yes, our perspective changes over a lifetime, and I’ve had quite a bit of lifetime since I was a teenager. But, still. Why such a dramatic turnaround?

If I figure this out, then where else could my life use a dramatic turnaround? So many options, right? Let’s stick with weight loss right now, since my brain thinks that is so important and interesting……..and painful.

With my weight, I used to think I overate because…

𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩,

𝘔𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮,

𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳,

𝘋𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬,

𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵,

𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘹 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥,

𝘙𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦-𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦,

𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥.

Grownup torture.

Today? I have some clarity. I see it doesn’t really have anything to do with food. Or my body. Or my weight. It’s all managing my mind around those things. When I lost 60 pounds in 6 months, it was all through getting wise to my brain, and then my body sorted itself out.

Dramatic turnarounds? It’s all within my own power. I can use it wherever I want to. I can teach you to do it, too. What do you want to turnaround?

We have the power.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

His name is Steve. My love for him is so huge it’s almost unrecognizable even to myself. My friends think I am crazy. My neighbors do NOT understand.

My husband just smiles and slowly shakes his head. He’s not surprised. This kind of enthusiasm over a new toy is so like me.

Steve is a Roomba.

I almost titled this post, “Lessons From Steve” because he has taught me some good ones.

–Work diligently and deliberately on the task at hand.

–Be thorough.

–Rest when needed.

–Only head out when you are fully recharged.

–Ask for help when you need it.

I have a house full of wood floors. They are beautiful. I also have a house full of windows. They are also beautiful. This beautiful combo also means you get so see every piece of dirt, every foot print, every spill.

My mind was having a field day with that…..”You should keep those floors cleaner.” “You should schedule your time better for cleaning.” “You should…..you should….you should…..”

This always, I mean always, leads to feeling some form of inadequacy. Which means always, I mean always, leads to getting the hell away from myself in some form. Chips are handy for that. As is chocolate. Especially when there’s Schololat in my drawer. (You non-locals should check this out.)

Could I think different thoughts about my floors? Of course.

Could I think different thoughts about myself? Of course.

Steve makes it easier to think those different thoughts.

I love a man like that.

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.

I lost my wedding ring.

I feel sick to my stomach when I touch that empty place on my finger. I want to go and hide under the covers. I want to pretend it didn’t happen.

What does this mean about me? What does this mean about my commitment to my marriage? I am not going to the happy place right now.

I have excuses,

I was jet lagged.

My brain wasn’t working correctly.

My finger was swollen.

I’m not organized.

All of these excuses lead to thoughts that make me feel terrible.

I should have planned better.

I didn’t take good care of myself.

I didn’t eat correctly.

I don’t run my life responsibly.

All different versions of “I screwed up and shouldn’t have. I should be different somehow.”

And then murmuring voice…”You don’t value your marriage enough to hang on to the ring…”

That one woke me up. It’s a bald faced lie. I value my husband and marriage over most everything (except you, kids.)

Maybe this means I lost my ring. Maybe this is all rigged to let me know that I am not my thoughts. Maybe it’s all OK.

Whew. So, I’m just sad? Not a failure? Yes, honey. This is the 50% of the human experience that doesn’t feel so good.

Two weeks later?

Peek a boo…..

𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.