Oh, the intoxicating allure of thinness. To be thin and happy and comfortable in my own skin. I always knew that was what I wanted. I was sure that was how it would be. Right?
All the moments before that, the moment when thinness arrived, when my dreams came true, were just misery. It was such a burden to carry around that extra weight, to “feel fat” (you know, where you lie on your side and gravity performs its work?), feel deprived, feel required to eat awful tasting food. All of it would magically disappear the moment that scale said 130, instead of 200. Right?
Sort of. Kind of. But, the magic didn’t happen on my uber cool glass scale. The magic happened in my uber cool prefrontal cortex. 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 I wanted did arrive, almost as if by magic, but it had nothing to do with how much weight I was carrying around, or what I ate, or what the scale said.
It had to do with my thoughts.
It turns out I can love my body, no matter what the scale says. I can feel good in my skin, no matter how or what I choose to eat. No deprivation or white-knuckling required.
I haven’t banished all the thoughts that brought on those feelings; they are part of me and always will be. I ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 stopped believing them. I ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 made new decisions about who I am and what I want.
Then, I lost 60 pounds. I watched it fall away like all the lies I told myself. About myself.
𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.