I did not finish my list today.
I did not eat on my protocol today.
I did not get out and hike today, like I had planned.
I did not write this blog at 6:00 this morning, as scheduled.
Yet, I am a success. This is not where my mind went initially. I indulged in my habitual criticism, judgement, beating on (my)self, what I now call BS. I noticed all this. I noticed how awful it felt. I noticed I wanted to eat that cookie dough ice cream.
Why? I’m confused because ice cream isn’t my go-to, not my habit anymore. What was the ice cream going to do for me?
Make me feel good. Give me a hit a dopamine that I thought I needed. Because I didn’t feel good.
Yet, I now know not feeling good is something I produce with my thoughts, my attitude, my beliefs.
Feeling better is wholly within my power. I remember, then see it is my idea that I SHOULD finish my list that feels awful. That I 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑’𝑣𝑒 eaten on protocol. That I 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑’𝑣𝑒 hiked. And written this blog earlier.
And then I just decide that my life is perfect. I decide that I don’t want to fight with the past any more.
I decide I am a success. Not in the future, when I do all my “should’s”. But right now. Right here.
𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝐴𝑠𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑆𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑒: 𝑇𝑜𝑜𝑙𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝐴𝑛 𝐴𝑚𝑎𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒, 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.