“Anyone can say no.”
He truly believes that. He thinks the small, shy kids can figure out a path to “No.” Surely getting slammed by a ball thrown by a large, bold kid will lead him there. He has never been a small shy kid. He has never experienced anything different.
How do I explain to him that I was that kid who couldn’t say “No”? How do I get over feeling broken because I can’t/couldn’t say “No”? Even him saying “Anyone can say no,” brought back those feelings of helplessness.
So much shame.
Sometimes I am still not aware that “No” is an option. When I’m eating those chips, as I make dinner, my brain refuses to even entertain “No.” This is my lizard brain’s super power, what’s kept me alive, what’s kept humans alive for millennia.
Maybe I don’t want to “just” be alive now. Maybe I want to evolve, to thrive. What then?
Observe. Be curious. Learn. Start to employ my big, beautiful brain to plan a for a brighter future. See my lizard brain for what it is; a primitive force trying to save me. Maybe I can view shame as a desire to be a better person, a tool to learn to have my own back more often, to believe in my dreams.
This is the work I do now. For myself. For my clients. Essential.
𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.