Time alone. Cherished time alone. It’s every mama’s secret desire (at least the mamas I know.) Even now that my kids are grown, I still find a craving for time alone.
Yet, when I have it, and I have ample opportunity these days, I seem to rush to fill that time. There’s a slightly panicked air around it.
When I think about the last time I was truly alone, I remember mentally ticking off all the things I could be doing, tasks I could be completing, work I could be catching up on, correspondence that needed writing.
Yet, I didn’t feel like doing any of that. I felt like finishing my book about the little book van in Scotland, I felt like watching the clouds roll by from my Aidirondack chair on the deck. I felt like napping under the fuzzy blanket with the goofy foot pockets that I adore.
But, my head was so crowded! There was more noise up there than a Black Friday at Walmart. What’s with all that commotion? How do you leave behind your own mind?
You don’t. You quit resisting it. You invite it in.
Fine. Fine. Fine. I will sit and hear all its complaints and “shoulds” and judgments and worries. I will let it exhaust itself, which surprisingly doesn’t take long once you quit pushing it away.
And as I listened, I saw I had empathy for this crowd of thoughts. I was not surprised by what I heard. (I kinda know this story.) And things quieted down. Settled. Satisfied. I could now see them as sentences in my mind.
Believe them. Or don’t believe them.
Or just finish my book…..in peace. 𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝐴𝑠𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑆𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑒: 𝑇𝑜𝑜𝑙𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝐴𝑛 𝐴𝑚𝑎𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒, 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.