Time alone. Cherished time alone. It’s every mama’s secret desire (at least the mamas I know.) Even now that my kids are grown, I still find a craving for time alone.
Yet, when I have it, and I have ample opportunity these days, I seem to rush to fill that time. There’s a slightly panicked air around it.
When I think about the last time I was truly alone, I remember mentally ticking off all the things I could be doing, tasks I could be completing, work I could be catching up on, correspondence that needed writing.
Yet, I didn’t feel like doing any of that. I felt like finishing my book about the little book van in Scotland, I felt like watching the clouds roll by from my Aidirondack chair on the deck. I felt like napping under the fuzzy blanket with the goofy foot pockets that I adore.
But, my head was so crowded! There was more noise up there than a Black Friday at Walmart. What’s with all that commotion? How do you leave behind your own mind?
You don’t. You quit resisting it. You invite it in.
Fine. Fine. Fine. I will sit and hear all its complaints and “shoulds” and judgments and worries. I will let it exhaust itself, which surprisingly doesn’t take long once you quit pushing it away.
And as I listened, I saw I had empathy for this crowd of thoughts. I was not surprised by what I heard. (I kinda know this story.) And things quieted down. Settled. Satisfied. I could now see them as sentences in my mind.
Believe them. Or don’t believe them.
Or just finish my book…..in peace.
𝑆𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑎 𝑃ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑎𝑐ℎ. 𝑆ℎ𝑒’𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 50 𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠….𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎. 𝑁𝑜 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑔𝑙𝑒.